Sunday, 17 June 2012

I just sat ...

Today has been one of those days. It wasn't a particularly extraordinary day. Sure it was Father's day, but to be honest we've never been a family that makes a huge fuss over such occasions. Whilst Alison took Jake to play cricket, I went with Adam and Jess to their school's summer fair. On one hand it was nice to be there, watching the kids having fun, enjoying some good weather for a change. And on the other I couldn't really have cared less. I looked around and saw faces of people I knew, people I haven't spoken to for a long time, people who have done a lot for our family, and the only thing that went through my head was a desire not to talk to any of them. My life is so consumed by Adam's illness, it dominates thoughts almost every minute of every day; sometimes it simply becomes the last thing on earth I want to talk about. Particularly with people who cannot know the hellishness of our situation. It doesn't matter what else comes up in conversation, Adam inevitably will. And on days like today it's all too much, so the only thing to do is hide away from the world and let it pass. A bit hard when you're in the middle of a school fair, so instead I just found a bench, parked myself on it … and sat. If you saw me today and thought I was being rather unsociable then I'm sorry, but sometimes needs must. Most times I'm more than happy to talk about Adam; it's nice for people to ask how he's doing, how we're all doing. And then there are days, rare though they are, like today.

As for Adamski himself, he's doing okay, all things considered. I'll put together a proper update in the next couple of days, when I'm ready to talk about him again …

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