Sorry, there is no other way to put this...

I tried yesterday evening to write about my day, but despite numerous attempts nothing worked. You see I was trying to get across what I thought and how I felt and the problem was it didn't matter what I wrote I simply couldn't do justice to the reality of it. And I came to realise that this blog has to either be the honest, and sometimes brutal, truth of the situation we find ourselves in, or a self-censored parade of posts that profess to be something they are not.

Well as of now it's the former.

As I woke up yesterday morning I was in a vision where I was sitting at Adam's bedside stroking his hand as he died. And for the first couple of hours of the day - in the shower, getting dressed, having breakfast, sitting at my computer I couldn't shake it. It was there with me and I simply could not make it go away. As soon as I stopped concentrating on whatever specific thing I was doing I was back to it. It was only finally when I got out of the house and had some real purpose about my day that I managed to leave it behind. And then I was fine again, I was back in the moment.