Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Summer's Gone...

It may be an odd statement for a parent of a child with Cancer but we had lots of fun over the summer holidays. Much of it brought on by the kindness of a friend in giving us the use of their house near the coast, and some of it as an indirect result of Jake's broken arm. For it was the combination of these two things that ended up with us buying a caravan, which we would otherwise have never thought of doing. We spent many happy days down by the sea, firstly at our friends house and then several weekends at the caravan. I'm sure the kids had a summer as good as most.

But that's gone now. Largely forgotten. There can be no dwelling on such things. No time, and often no capacity, to reminisce or look fondly back on the holidays. It is the same with everything. We live in the here and now, constantly and only looking forward whether it be with trepidation or anticipation.. We have good and bad moments, but once they are over they are as good as lost. We worried about Adam's surgery, and then it went well. No time to dwell. It wasn't a victory it was a necessary evil. Now we worry about his lack of eating and difficulty moving around. Hopefully it will be soon rectified, and then we will focus on and worry about MIBG therapy. This world we inhabit is relentless and energy sapping.

Jake started secondary school this week. I took the obligatory photos and one day I may look back on them differently. But honestly, for the here and now it's not that important for me. In many households I am sure the end of summer holidays and kids going back to school, and especially off to a new school, was a big deal. It would've been in our house too in years gone by. But it has taken a conscious effort on our part for it not to be inconsequential this time, and although that's not really fair on Jake it could be no other way. The significance of everything else is diminished by the 'C' word.  The 'C' word is king. The 'C' word trumps all. My abiding memory of Jake starting secondary school? Wondering whether I will ever see the day when his brother treads the same path. That is what the 'C' word does.

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